Everything I Wish I Knew About The 'Fourth Trimester' Before Giving Birth

Disclaimer: This article is based on personal experience, and does not constitute medical, psychological or professional health advice. Help is available. Contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, or reach out to your GP or midwife for professional support.

If you’re currently pregnant, you’ve probably heard about the ‘fourth trimester’. It’s not technically classified as part of the pregnancy-and-birth experience, but it should be.

The fourth trimester is the first three months with your baby. They’re new to the world, you’re new to parenthood, and it’s total chaos – which is why many parents reference it as a ‘trimester’, since it’s another three months filled with learning, uncertainty and growth.

I had my son in June 2025, and my fourth trimester was a doozy! I had prepared as much as I could for newborn life – I read all the books, watched breastfeeding tutorials, followed the right social media accounts. Nothing could have actually prepared me for what was to come.

Now, I have some wisdom I want to pass on to nervous mums. My top lesson? Wisdom that stems from experience is always valuable, even if it doesn’t eventually apply to you – so listen to those who have gone before. Throughout history, women have passed down wisdom from their pregnancy, birth and motherhood experiences to the next wave of parents, and that should always continue.

1. You Might Not Experience The Heart-Bursting Love At First

And this is the real lesson – that’s okay. It’s normal, too. My love for my son grew over time. At first, I was in shock. Birth was overwhelming for me, and my brain was still processing everything that just happened. My son honestly felt like a baby that had been dropped at my doorstep. One I wanted to care for and keep alive, but not someone I felt deeply for. 

This sent me into a total spiral at the time. I was convinced something was ‘wrong’ with me because I didn’t have that sobbing, exploding-heart kind of love for my son. Joey is now six months old, and he is the joy of my life. My heart squeezes when I look at him! It just took a little time for me to adjust to motherhood, and get to know him.

I’m sure there are plenty of factors that can contribute to whether parents feel the heart-bursting love instantly or not. How your birth goes. Your personality. Mental health. Whatever the reason, you’re not defective because you feel like you’re nursing a little stranger, not your instant best friend. 

2. The ‘Baby Blues’ Can Be Intense

A great tip a friend passed on to me about the baby blues – the sudden emotional rush that accompanies the huge hormone shift after giving birth – was “don’t believe what your brain tells you on day three”. 

Technically, the baby blues often occur around days three to five after birth, and can last up to two weeks, fuelled by sleep deprivation and the overwhelming shift of caring for a newborn. But her advice still stands. Given around 80 per cent of women experience the baby blues in some form, your brain will most likely start lying to you for a period of time. 

For me, it was stuff like “what have I done”. Those are horrible intrusive thoughts to have at such a vulnerable time, and I wish someone had warned me that the thoughts would be awful and would make me feel ashamed. I thought the baby blues involved just crying for no reason, and I think if I’d known how sneaky the thoughts could be, I would have been more prepared to recognise them and go “wait a minute, I know you’re just the result of a hormone drop!”

Also important – if your baby blues last longer than two weeks, or they’re really intense and you’re not coping, get help. Please, get help. I had to! I ended up calling the NSW Mental Health Helpline, and got such amazing support from psychologists and psychiatrists. The pipeline from baby blues to postpartum depression and anxiety is real, and while it won’t happen for everyone, it’s important to acknowledge when you’re not okay so you can get the support you need, because it’s there. 

3. Get Family To Help You Sleep

Specifically, sleep! The best thing we did (after two weeks of chaos, mind you) was to ask the family to come over and do a “shift” minding our baby. For a few hours at night, from around 7pm until midnight, both my partner and I got solid sleep while my sister or our parents settled Joey. 

We were mixed feeding, so they gave Joey a bottle during that time, but even if you’re exclusively breastfeeding, the chance to feed then go back to sleep and leave the settling to someone else is precious! 

Because of the sleep shift, both my partner and I only had to manage a three hour window of night duties solo, which alleviated a lot of anxiety because we could always handle three hours of sleep-deprived settling, no matter how exhausted we were. 

If you have the support around you, lean on it. We’re so conditioned to not ask for help, but so many people want to help you out! If you don’t have support, reach out to dedicated support services like Karitane, Tresillian and PANDA.

4. Everyone's feeding journey is different

For some people it’s easy, for many it’s difficult. For some, it doesn’t work out at all – if that ends up being you, don’t beat yourself up over having to turn to formula. I wish I hadn’t been so hard on myself about it, because it was the right decision for both me and my son. 

That being said, if I have a second baby I really want to try breastfeeding again, but this time I’d be prepared, not so much with researching before having the baby, but by finding a really great lactation consultant, and utilising the free services offered by the hospital. Sometimes, it’s a simple latch adjustment or some sage advice you didn’t consider that can turn breastfeeding from a nightmare scenario into something totally manageable. Expect it to be difficult and to need some help – you might be lucky and be someone who finds it a breeze, but if you don’t, know millions of women worldwide are with you!

Important reminder:

Breastfeeding offers many benefits and is encouraged whenever possible. However, it isn't always an option. This is when the use of baby formula becomes necessary.

5. Lean Into The Chaos

I fully expected to “manage” my newborn with sleep routines and strategies. News flash: babies are total chaos. You can’t predict their temperament, you’re totally new to reading their cues, and most days all organisation goes out the window. I wish I’d leaned into the uncertainty more, because trying to control each day made everything twice as stressful and led to feeling even more overwhelmed. 

There are ways you can make the chaos a little easier. Meal prep was a great decision we made, because microwaving food at random hours of the night is way better than having to even make toast. I made a bunch of meals and froze them in single portions in the last weeks of pregnancy, and we ate all of them in those first couple of months. If you can afford it, organise a cleaner to come weekly – or ask friends and family if they don’t mind doing a load of washing, cleaning the dishes or tidying the house when they come to visit. 

But in general, just let yourself wear the same pyjamas for an entire week, covered in milk stains. Tell yourself this is temporary – that in the very near future, you’ll have time to shower, time to change the bed sheets, time to drink a cup of coffee that isn’t cold. Trust me, it comes around sooner than you’d think.

// Written by Melissa Mason