I didn't want to miss it: My one horrific error during my caesarean section

I have to begin this article by stating that I in no way glorify my silly almost-decision, in fact, I have to actively recommend that you do not ever attempt what I almost did as I lay on the table, about to experience my caesarean section, and meet my son for the first time.

You see, when I gave birth to my daughter four years ago, I had no real idea what to expect during the birthing process. What I got was a third-degree tear and also the high of really experiencing my birth. It was really hard, then utter magic, all in one day.

So when I fell pregnant with my son 13 months later, the doctors suggested a caesarean section, to avoid potential further damage, and I was all too happy to agree.

Before too long, it was time to head to the hospital for my caesarean-section. I have to admit, I loved the planned aspect of my c-section. I never once questioned my decision, and to be honest, never understood the hesitation around undergoing a c-section birth; whatever was best for me and the baby was fine by me.

I just also appreciated that I could organise care for my 2-year-old daughter ahead of time, and then waltz into my son’s birth sans the panic.

The time has come:

Anyway, as I lay down on the morning of March 24, 2021, ready to meet my son, the nurses explained that they would be administering the spinal block via injection. An ice cube test 5 minutes later confirmed that the spinal block had not reached my right hand side, as I could still feel the cool touch of the ice cube.
They attempted a second spinal tap, which had the same effect; my left side was completely numb, but something was blocking it from reaching my right side. Plus the ‘shakes’ had now started, and I couldn’t talk very well as a result. So they then suggested an epidural, to which I dutifully agreed with a nod of the head.

I sat up and they administered the epidural. All the while I was hoping that this was the move that would allow me to finally meet my son. I lay back down, and we waited. The nurse picked up the ice cube and ran it down my leg again. Damn it. I could still feel the coldness of the ice cube, it still hadn’t worked.

I legitimately had this thought.

The doctor then explained to me that they’d wait a few more minutes for the epidural to kick in, but if it didn’t, unfortunately I’d have to go under general anesthesia. This meant I would be asleep for the birth of my son. I panicked. For the first time in my entire pregnancy I felt really anxious - and then an unthinkable thought crossed my mind.

‘Just lie Olivia, tell them you can’t feel it, and then you’ll get to see your baby be born!’

I must have been out of my mind

The result would have been excruciating, like literally being awake in a surgery they thought you were asleep for.

In a caesarean section, they cut through four layers to reach the baby in your uterus. FOUR.

I was out of my mind, thinking like that. 

Thankfully, when they checked again two minutes later, I couldn’t feel the ice cube at all. I didn’t have to worry. I watched Freddie being pulled out of my stomach. It was wonderful, and calm, and everything I hoped it would be. He was put on my chest straight away and the shaking I was experiencing from all of the drugs in my system began to subside.

It was a completely euphoric experience, and it almost really wasn’t. If the epidural hadn’t kicked in in time, I don’t know if I would have lied or not, and thankfully, I didn’t have to find out.

Please, promise me you’ll never be as stupid as I almost was.

By Olivia Mackinnon