I home birthed my son: here's why its the best decision I ever made

When Dee Zibara gave birth to her daughter Billie, she was one of the first in her circle to become a mum, and as a result, her knowledge of birthing options wasn't vast. In fact, after a semi-traumatic hospital birth welcoming Billie into the world, she wanted to explore other options for the birth of her second child, Phoenix. 

After speaking to friends, she realised that not everyone's birthing experience could be described as 'traumatic', and perhaps there was another way! Here, we are lucky enough to receive the story of Dee's home birth of Phoenix, and get a more intimate glimpse into home birthing and why it is fast becoming a preferred birthing option for Aussie parents.

Dee, why did you feel you wanted to experience a home birth with your son, Phoenix?

For Phoenix, my second baby I wanted a non-medicated natural birth experience. At 5 weeks pregnant I was 50/50 on home birth or hospital. By the time we got to 20 weeks things changed. Feeling empowered by my midwife appointments, home birth documentaries and conversations with others who’d birthed at home I knew I had to go all in on a home birth. 

I just wanted to make Phoenix’s first ever experience with the outside world to be one that was authentic, loving and intimate. Plus, I was very curious to have a totally different experience this time around. 

Home birth is not just about the place you birth. It’s also about supporting a woman and baby to have the best physical and emotional outcomes with minimal (if any) intervention.

At the time of Billie’s birth, a hospital birth, I didn’t really know there were any options outside the traditional hospital birth. Was I even allowed to have a birth outside of a hospital?

According to the many, many women I shared Billie’s birth story with, it was a very regular birth. A fair bit of medical intervention, a lot of scrubs, sterility and random people staring at my privates et voila - a baby is pulled out. 

But I will never forget the day I called my best friend after her first birth. FINALLY someone close to me who’d just been through what I went through the year prior.

Someone to share the disbelief of how friggen’ hard birth was, and the fact that we survived it! 

“Yeah and didn’t you think you were gonna die?! I won’t be doing that again any time soon” I remember saying to her jokingly. 

But her response shook me

“Ahh no”. 

“Did you scream?” I asked. 

“No.” 

She went on to tell me she didn’t make much noise, focused on her breath, and even caught her son herself. She also loved being able to have him sleep 8 hours undisturbed the first night at home with her new son. I never felt so confused. How could she have SUCH a different experience to me?! 

Well, she fell pregnant again and for sure this time it would be different, as all births are. 

But, yet again, she talked about how “in the zone” she was, and how much say she had in every part of it. And how empowered she felt. 

Empowered was not a word I would ever use to describe the process of my hospital birth (or entire pregnancy experience with the hospital either) with Billie. It was more a 9-month process of helping me identify potential threats to my baby. And while there are certainly more and more doctors supportive of the mother’s intuition and choosing what she wants for herself, it became more apparent the more I spoke to people who’d had home births that they shared a similar ‘empowering’ or ‘transformative’ experience. 

It was that phone call that triggered this intense curiosity in me and it was that curiosity that we decided for our second and final birth, we’d work with a private midwife. Janine specialised in physiological birth at home. 

And while there’s no right or wrong, it made me very curious - was I missing out on something having chosen a hospital birth for Billie?

How did the home birth differ from the birth of your daughter, Billie?

The experience from the beginning was different. There was a lot of encouragement to do my own research and a constant reminder the choices made were my choices and while this was a partnership, she didn’t want to influence my decisions and encouraged me to follow my intuition - to trust my body and baby. Instead of 9 months of threat detection, my experience with Janine was 9 months of building self-confidence and fine tuning my motherly instincts. 

There was also a huge focus on my feelings - about everything. We even had midwife appointments solely around my emotional history, my own birth, my relationship with my parents and partner, and my support system after birth.

But the BIGGEST difference was the timing of the birth. I nervously shared on my Instagram that I was still playing the waiting game at 42 weeks and 2 days. I had asked for birth stories past 42 weeks because I didn’t know personally of anyone who’d gone that far over their due date - and I was SWAMPED with comments. It amazed me that so many women had given birth at 41, 42, 43 and even BEYOND to perfectly healthy babies and sometimes, for all of their kids. 

I’d never felt pressured from Janine for one moment. We knew he was happy in there with a recent additional ultrasound and frequent midwife checks, and although I was over being pregnant, I also felt good physically. I knew that had I been in the hospital system (public or private) I’d almost be made to feel like I was crazy for waiting for my baby to initiate labour, and would likely have been ‘recommended’ to induce labour manually or chemically. And since the last thing I wanted was to interrupt the surge oxytocin from Phoenix to initiate labour, I was very grateful to have chosen a private midwife.

There were ZERO medical interventions. No invasive stretch and sweeps, no castor oil needed. Phoenix came exactly when he was ready and not a minute sooner.

Home birthers also tend to do the later stages of birth differently too. There was also a lot of respect for the placenta this time around, which I ended up encapsulating. There was also delayed cord clamping once the cord turned white, and a ‘physiological third stage’ (meaning the placenta came out naturally vs being pulled out prematurely). 

These pivotal birth decisions make a huge impact on mum and baby’s health. Something I had zero idea about previously.

The thing that excited me the most about homebirth being a Women’s Hormone Specialist was how much not only pregnancy but birth too relied solely on specific surges of various hormones. They’re timed perfectly one after the other, and at times simultaneously in order to reduce the sense of pain and stress experienced during labour and birth.

The most interesting thing I came to learn with my home birth experience around medical intervention. Many experts who support home birth state rates of intervention (like chemical induction, immediate cord clamping and emergency C-sections) are currently far too high, meaning most of them are unnecessary. 

Intervention blocks the natural surges of these hormones and forces a different timing using artificial hormones that have none of the same pain-minimising, mood lifting benefits the ones our bodies make do. 

How did you prepare for the home birth?

I had to mentally prepare a lot through the whole pregnancy to be honest. It felt a lot like I was going against the grain by choosing to home birth - like I was some unhinged hippie.

And statistically, I was going against the grain. Less than 1% of births in NSW happen at home annually.

I did a Calm Birth course, and spent a lot of time chatting with my midwife about hormones. Understanding how to optimise them and how much Phoenix would be in charge of the initiation of that process was the total opposite ideas to what I’d been advised before.  

In terms of what to prep at home, I had a backup hospital bag in case we needed to transfer, a birth space set up with a pool, affirmations and lots of towels, and things I would need for labour and directly post birth (like maternity pads, ice packs, TENS machine, and essential baby items too!).

Were you scared of complications?

I think every pregnant woman is in some way. But generally, about the birth itself, no. I knew I was in good hands with my midwife, and I also really trusted my body and baby. 

Even in a hospital, things go wrong all the time, and I was at home with a fully present midwife with no other patients to look after but me, who - might I add - was very experienced and skilled. 

Did you have an action plan ready in case of complications?

Absolutely. Janine explained common ‘complications’ and how to address them. While I’m no midwife, these were the main ones I was curious about and the action plan we had;

• Nuchal cord (watch out for it and advise the ‘catcher’ unwrap it before bringing to mum’s chest)
• Baby turning breech or another unique position (which can absolutely be possible and safe in a low risk pregnancy) 

Excessive blood loss/haemorrhaging (for which she advised breastfeeding firstly or syntocin if needed).

Who were your care team, both in the lead up and during birth?

In the lead up, [my husband] Gus and Janine. And during the birth Gus, Janine and a second midwife Kate who was in the background being a runner and taking notes on the progression of the labour and birth for legal records. I actually LOVED the intimate team in Phoenix’s birth. I distinctly recall being spread eagled with about 8 people (5 who I didn’t know) when Billie was born. No introductions, no familiarity. In any other circumstance, very strange… yet here I was in the most intimate moment of my life, accepting that as a reality.

What advice would you give anyone wanting to experience a home birth?

The best candidate for home birth is a woman with a low risk pregnancy, and for most women that will mean entering those 9 months with the healthiest body possible. 

1) So my advice is to take pre-conception seriously. Prepare your body. You will also thank yourself for setting yourself up for postnatal recovery and the first few years of their lives, especially if you’re breastfeeding. I share all my tips as a Women’s Hormone Specialist, skilled in natural fertility on this podcast episode.

2) Birth should be your own. It CAN be an intimate, transformative experience. Where that sacred space is, and who is part of that space matters. 

The intentions of those people matter and you have every right to take your sweet time to bring your baby into this world. It should make you feel empowered (even though it can be really challenging) to show you what a powerhouse you are as a woman (should you have forgotten somewhere along the way).

Pregnancy and birth truly is a process that upskills you for becoming a parent - for which there is NO rulebook. When you learn how to trust your instincts and make your own decisions that suits YOU and YOUR BABY, it builds a confidence in you that equips you to deal with the ups and downs of motherhood. 

Like anything, when armed with the right knowledge, and guided by a skilled professional it doesn’t have to be scary and actually can become the best decision you ever made… just ask a woman who’s home birthed - she’ll tell you.