Heartbroken: My 4-year-old daughter ‘doesn’t want to look in the mirror’

I’ve shared a lot of my journey raising two kids with the One Fine Baby audience over the years. From the terrifying effects of low blood pressure during pregnancy, to night terrors and the scary side of symptom watching.

However, one of the most heartbreaking moments of my parenting journey was thrust upon me just a few weeks ago, around 10 years sooner than I expected.

My daughter, who I think is the most beautiful girl in the world - obviously - started making comments about her appearance. And these comments were so out of the blue, I was left feeling totally blindsided in how to handle them.

“Mummy, I just want straight hair like you!” was one, when I was attempting to do her hair for school.

“I don’t like my face!”, was one when we were getting ready for bed.

“I don’t want to look in the mirror!”, was another when we were on our way out to a party.

Each time I heard one of these comments, it felt like a dagger through my chest. Like with each statement I was losing a piece of my daughter’s childhood innocence. I just wanted her to see what I see.

I also realised that ‘being pretty’ and ‘beautiful’ held an incredible amount of weight with Eva - already. I don’t know how we got there. I also knew I wasn’t equipped with the tools to reverse it. Telling her I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world wasn’t helping - and I should have known it was never going to. I was doing it wrong.

Being the co-host of the Cold Coffee, Hot Mess Podcast (brought to you by One Fine Baby) has its perks. We sought the help of Kasey Edwards, who is the co-author of the globally renowned book, ‘How To Raise Girls Who Like Themselves.’

In our chat for the podcast, we dive into the main parenting pillars connected to raising girls; from stranger danger, to body image, and even the negative effects of some of the original Disney Princesses, and the role that they play in the lives of ballgown-loving little girls.

During the chat Kasey revealed the devastating research findings: that little girls will be complimented on their appearance during their lives more than any other compliments combined - and it’s the one thing they don’t have ownership of. It’s not their ability or their determination or bravery - it’s something that can be given and equally taken away.

It is no suitable measure for self worth, yet it’s the one we all grew up with.

On that note, generational trauma and the correct way to educate grandparents was also talked about. They mean well, we know that, but they’re also some of the biggest instigators around body image and the whole ‘pretty’ narrative that’s fed into the lives of little girls constantly.

The overwhelming theme of the chat with Kasey is that, ‘it ends with me.’ No longer will we raise girls who don’t like themselves, girls who are unsure of themselves and seek approval from others. We have the responsibility of pioneering a new era of parenting. One that celebrates our kids for everything they can do, and nothing that isn’t in their control.

This chat is for anyone out there raising girls. I know I’ve learned more in this 30 minute chat than I have in almost 5 years of parenting. I hope you get as much out of it as I did.

Olivia x