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How to survive the first 12 weeks: a postpartum guide from someone who's in it
If you’ve ever had a baby before, you’ll know that the weeks following can be a haze in the most intense way. It can feel lonely, you can find yourself saying ‘ what have I DONE?, you can wish to go back in time. These feelings are all part and parcel of adjusting to a new reality. A reality that can feel enveloping and not what you signed up for.
The important thing to note is that there is a vast scale of feelings during this time, and the key is being to identify what is okay, and what you might need to seek help for. This postpartum period is really a time to be kind to yourself, drop any expectations and lean on your community for support and guidance. At least, this is what we learned from new mum-of-two, and owner of Habitual Beauty, Krumbled Foods and Mini and Me Hydration Powders, Keira Rumble.
After sharing posts about how lonely and emotional she has found this postpartum period, Keira was kind enough to talk us on the Cold Coffee, Hot Mess Podcast through her tips for survival, and what those around you can do to help.
Goldie girl is just a few weeks old now, how are YOU doing?
“If you had asked me a few weeks ago I would have said “barely hanging on” but the newborn fog has slowly lifted, the intense baby blues have started to subside! I had a horrific HG pregnancy, so life not being pregnant for me is much better than being pregnant. Sleep deprivation is at an all time high and learning to adjust with 2 under 2 has been a lot!”
How has Goldie's arrival felt different to Hunter's?
“So much different! I naively expected Goldie to be very similar to Hunter – which let me tell you she is a completely different baby! Very much a Velcro baby with colic tendencies of lots of crying. She is the spitting image of her big brother though and I am having so much fun with dressing her, and trying to embrace the contact naps as much as I can.”
Why do you think the newborn phase can feel so lonely?
“So many reasons! The late night breastfeeding, the touched out feeling, the intense hormone dump that you experience after birth. I spent the first 3 weeks of Goldie's life crying uncontrollably with the worst anxiety, I felt absolutely broken and had no idea why. It really shook me to my core with how I was feeling. Having a history of PTSD & depression I was on top of how I was feeling and got my GP to update my mental health plan.”
Which parts of newborn life 2.0 have you struggled with the most?
“I think just realising that every baby is different. Trying to surrender to life with 2 under 2, cluster feeding with a toddler is intense, learning how to get out of the house with 2. Having a baby that only loves to have contact naps can be exhausting, but leaning on things like a bouncer, carrier and popping airpods in and trying to get as much done as possible has been helping! I think what has been helping me mentally to stay sane is knowing that this is just a season, and she won’t be a newborn forever. Knowing what is ahead of me has really helped too! For instance, in the hospital, knowing my milk will come in early like it did with Hunter prepared me for the engorgement, knowing I had a challenging breastfeeding experience initially with Hunter, and finding the right support of a lactation consultant early on would be crucial to setting our feeding journey up for success etc has helped massively!”
What can we do to help new parents in this phase? Keep in contact, schedule meet-ups? Send food, send love, prompt them to get out of the house?
“I think this is a bit of a multi-layered response. For me, getting out of the house was the best thing that I could do, being at home made my anxiety worse, however I know for some, leaving the house would make them feel worse.
So it is identifying what works for them and running with that. If it is getting out of the house, it would be a low key catch up, where they feel comfortable, ideally near somewhere that serves strong coffee, helping out as much as possible if they have other kids, bringing them meals to take home and heat up for the night etc.
If the house is where they are the most comfortable it would be coming over, helping with washing, bringing food, bringing coffee, help tidying the house.
I think by addressing what makes them feel comfortable, what they are up to is the most important thing.
If you live far away, send meals, we are 7 weeks into our postpartum period and we still have our freezer stocked with food, which we rely on each night pretty much! I love the saying, hold the mother not the baby, is so important and something that is always so overlooked!”
